BASED ON XAVIER VELASCO'S NOVEL
CHAPTER 1 WHO WASN'T ME AMONG THEM?
I can’t believe it.
Last time I confessed,
there was a priest in front of me
and a suitcase packed with dollars
ready to save me from hell.
”Diablo Guardián”, I want you to know my story.
The real one.
Being a cheater like me, you'll understand.
Besides, weren’t you looking for a story to tell?
Well, there you go.
My treat.
YEARS AGO...
There, there. We’re almost done.
You’ll get us killed from pneumonia.
Come on, don’t exaggerate!
Cold water is a must to rinse the hair dye.
Unfortunately, us the Rosas Valdivias,
were born in Mexico City,
but luckily, we look like Americans.
Do you really think we look like Americans
with this cheap hair dye?
How should I start?
Once upon a time, two half-blood sheep got married
and had a baby sheep
that turned out as black as the devil.
...brat.
Holy Mary,
I accuse myself of being me wholy.
That is, of wanting to be somebody else.
Carmen, thanks a lot.
The Red Cross should give you an honorific award
for all your donations.
It is you who should get an award.
You’re doing an amazing job with the homeless.
The most fortunate, should give back more.
When is the next dinner?
In two weeks. But don’t worry, I’ll call you.
Good night, Carmen.
Violetta, no horror stories before bed.
- Did you hear me? - Yeah.
You know why you must turn off your bedroom lights early?
- So we don’t lose the subsidy. - That’s it, smarty pants!
Violetta, call us if anything happens.
...sweethearts.
Why do you call her Violetta?
I always wanted to named her Violetta.
It was your family that insisted in naming her Rosalba.
Hey, do you know which animal takes cold showers?
Pigs.
And we aren’t pigs to take cold showers, are we?
Who wants to play to the beauty parlor?
Old mattresses and fridges for sale...
- You idiot! You idiot! - Ouch! Ouch!
- Brat! - It hurts!
It hurts me more what you do to this family
with your crazy plans!
Your daughter has no respect for anything,
- nor will she ever have it. - What is it now?
Last night, she showered her brothers with hot water.
And not only that, I emptied up your American shampoo.
Open up!
I can’t stand her anymore! She’s driving me crazy!
What did they teach her at the Catholic school?
She’ll change her ways
when she attends the school for secretaries.
No, no, no. I won’t pay for that brat’s education!
What if she ends up as the president’s assistant
in a multinational!
She may find a husband.
Only that way she’ll become worthy.
"The only way to become worthy", said that ass.
The only way, was going to New York.
In my head, New York, was the opposite
of living at home like a beggar.
I was obsessed with NY since I was a kid.
I would cut out pictures and stick them on my closet.
I pictured myself walking the streets
with my jet black hair.
And I laughed thinking of my dad
selling me a hot dog and stealing my change.
YEARS AGO...
I brought you a sandwich. Make some room.
Mom, how old do you think I am?
It doesn’t matter!
To me, you’ll always be my baby.
I don’t get what you do there.
You spend a lot of time on the computer.
I told you. I’ve got a blog.
Well, eat up. It’ll get cold.
I toasted it as we like it.
Young lady!
Do you know what day it is?
The worst day of my life?
It’s really late. I have to go to the bank
to deposit the donations for the Red Cross.
Do you want to get me fired?
All right, get up...
- Hey! - ...and get dressed!
Don't you have plans today?
Good morning, young ladies.
Who’s that?
No clue, but she ran out of hair dye
given those caterpillar eyebrows.
We have a new student.
Rosalba, would you introduce yourself?
Hi everyone, I’m 18,
and I’m here because my dream is to become a secretary.
My name’s Rosalba, but I’d rather you call me Violetta.
Violetta is the tackiest name on Earth.
No, Rosalba is even tackier.
You’re right.
How was your day?
I fucking hate that school.
Watch your mouth. Do the dishes.
Good afternoon, miss. How are you?
- I’m okay. - Good.
This is your last week pay.
- Thanks a lot. - That’s the plant...
Mom, I’ll get the mop.
All right, and when you finish the kitchen,
do the dining room, okay?
So? Since when do you spy on me through the window?
I swear that was the first time.
Well, you seemed a pro.
I swear.
Whatever.
I don’t mind if you see me.
Let’s make a deal.
I want you to steal your dad the 500 pesos bill
that my mom just gave him.
If my dad catches me stealing from him, I’m dead.
Then don’t let him catch you.
Do you like to see me?
Would you like to see more?
Much more?
On one condition.
I not only want 500 pesos...
I want the same bill my mom gave your dad.
In fact, I want the one with a "V" on it.
If it’s not that bill, there’s no deal.
And if there’s no deal,
I’ll be forced to tell my mom that you’re a pig.
The murder of the archduke Francisco Fernando,
heir to the Austro-Hungarian crown
and his wife, the archduchess Sofia,
provoked hostilities.
It’s fundamental that you know which countries
participated in the fronts.
I guess what you are writing
is much more important
than anything I could say about World War I.
Why don’t you share it with the class?
No, thanks.
I’m sorry, it wasn’t a request.
Start by reading the title.
We won’t continue until you speak.
Reasons why I’m better than everybody else.
Reason number one.
I finally feel that time slowly swallows me
to its core...
Didn’t know you were a poet!
Silence!
Go on.
I open a door,
and my parents are there.
Both dead after the accident.
And at the same time, alive, surprised by my visit.
I tell them I won’t stay long.
That I have to go back to reality in a minute...
...but that I’m the only one who can travel in time
any time I want to.
End of reason number one.
Maybe I shouldn’t have had that hamburger yesterday.
How strange. Nobody else got sick.
You aren’t hot.
I can’t go to school.
Would you like me to throw up in front of everybody?
How funny!
All right. Stay.
I’m going to the gym.
When you feel a bit better,
fold the clothes I left on the bed.
Your time has come, fucking gardener.
Get ready for a great show.
That was my big debut.
And you know what I found out?
Being wanted was my cocaine.
I was high.
To hell with the school for secretaries!
Music taught me to speak English.
I am a passenger
And I ride and I ride
I ride through the city's backside
I see the stars come out of the sky
Yeah, they're bright in a hollow sky
You know it looks so good tonight
NEW YORK IS WAITING FOR YOU!
I would...
I would like to schedule an appointment...
with Mr. Walters.
I would like... I would like to schedule an appointment with Mr. Walters.
I would like to schedule an appointment with Mr. Walters.
Rosalba...
would you please tell us what your plans are for the summer?
She’s dying her beaver blonde.
Do you know what I am gonna do this summer?
Get rich!
And by the way, my name is Violetta.
That was very good.
I saw you, Pig!
If you rat on me, you’re dead.
Easy dude, I’m on your side.
What do you want in exchange?
Nothing, dude, I told you I’m on your side.
The other day, dude, I didn’t know
about your parents and everything...
- I really liked what you read. - Well, I didn’t.
Here, you saw nothing.
Dude, if you don’t like what you write,
write a funnier blog or something.
What happened? Is he alright?
Let's call an ambulance!
- Hey, give it back, it’s mine! - Yes, Mr. Carraldi.
I already made the deposit for 3 thousand dollars.
I’ll send you the bank receipt later.
- Give it to me! It’s mine! - Have a nice day.
Hey, calm down already!
Watch out, Mom!
For God’s sake! Carmen!
You scratched it, it’s mine.
Now, this is the beginning of the real story.
Truth is, of all the money my mom collected
at the Red Cross dinners,
the fucking thief would only deposit
part of it in the bank,
and she’d change the rest for dollars to keep.
Listen carefully, ”Diablo”, because here starts
the story of how I became a rich girl,
and I started to be... me.
Knowing my mom twisted the numbers of the Red Cross,
it seemed only natural to promote the gardener
with a more worthy theft.
Don’t run.
Excuse me! Good morning!
It’s like jumping a fence
and even though it’s really tall, you think:
"I don’t know anybody who has jumped this high".
Hey, will you calm down? I brought you here
because I need a favor.
I can’t. My arm is hurt.
You can do this.
You’ll have to grab something from my mom’s purse.
But you’ll do it when I say so, okay?
What about our deal? I only do side jobs.
Well, fuck our deal then.
Your money is like water through my fingers.
It’s useless.
Deal with it. If your mom catches me, I’ll be dead.
Would you like everybody to know how you broke your arm?
It’s okay.
I promise it will be easy.
The gardener was my first accomplice.
But don’t be jealous.
Well, be if you want to.
I never thought fucking God’s intervention
would make that idiot feel guilty.
The church bells?
The church bells!
You don’t fear God that much
when you’re a Peeping Tom and that is a deadly sin.
Forgive me.
I won’t. Give me the keys.
Give them to me!
Was your mom carrying a lot of money?
Mind your business, nosy!
I don’t get it.
Why do you want that much dough?
You have a house, you go to school.
- You aren’t missing anything. - What do you mean?
I’m missing being whatever I want to be.
You say so, because you’re a lackey who likes having masters.
But I, I am my own master.
What? You really thought I’d be content
with attending a lousy school for secretaries?
Or being like my parents,
second-rate thieves that rip off charity?
I’m sick of being a maid,
of being penniless, of taking showers
with warm water if I’m lucky enough.
What? Don’t you think I can give myself a better life?
Damn it, go away!
Go away, now! I don’t want to see you again!
What’s wrong, Rosalba?
Dad, I don’t want to see him again.
He was spying on me through the window.
How dare you? In my own house!
- How dare you! - Why did you do that!
- You were spying on her! - Damn it!
Violetta?
Yes, mom?
Your father told me about that bastard.
I don’t want to talk about it, mom.
I’m not an idiot.
Men only do that when there’s something to look at.
Set the table.
Your brothers are hungry.
Hit it!
Take it!
What is that? Where did you get it?
A friend borrowed it to me.
Really?
Yes.
So, he’s an idiot.
And you’ll be more of an idiot if you return it.
Tell him it was stolen.
Great idea.
God! What’s wrong with you?
I’m sorry. Can I go get the broom?
Sadly for them, my parents and I
shared the same logic.
And luckily for me, their system security
was fucking accessible.
I left everything as it was so nobody noticed
the dough had changed location,
then I went downstairs as cool as always.
Now I was a rich girl, I found their bankruptcy cute.
I looked at them and thought:
“Why the fuck are they laughing?”
Because I had left them broke.
The tragedy of assholes, is their sons are better at it.
You’ll say I’m the worst.
But right now, I don’t care what you think.
Picture me happy, surrounded by bills.
Period.
Tell me the truth, did you cause that fire?
- It wasn’t me. - Promise?
All right, it was me.
Never mind. You heard the principal.
There’s no evidence.
They can’t touch me.
They’re clueless because they’re losers.
But why do you act like this?
He made me read my blog in front of the class.
He had it coming.
- What did it say? - Nothing, you wouldn’t get it.
- Why? - Because you don’t get it.
Because you’re old.
I see. You are ashamed your mom is old.
You aren’t my mom. My mom is dead.
I’m ashamed of being the son of a dead woman.
Open the door!
Open the door already!
We know what you did.
Open the door! We have to talk.
What did you do?
What did you do to your beautiful blonde hair?
First you fail at school, now this.
Is this because I failed?
Isn’t that enough?
You won’t go around with that whore hair.
You’re quite an ordeal.
What did we do to deserve such a daughter?
You are some fucking pretentious wannabes!
- Rosalba! - My name’s Violetta!
- You’re helpless! - You’ll go to boarding school!
Rosalba! Open the door!
Where are you going?
- Where the hell are you going? - Fucking peasants!
What an ass!
That’s what I get for getting mad and running away.
Now, I had to get back for my money.
Because it was mine, you know?
Shit! Shit!
Shit!
Shit! Shit!
”Diablo”, when you write this part,
don’t say I was crying in the car all alone.
Make up something more interesting.
- You can’t park here, blondie. - I’ll move.
Fine, I’ll move.
Blondie your fucking mother, asshole!
Mom...
I'm so sorry!
Ok.
Apology accepted, darling.
But it’s not that easy.
You know the way we feel.
If you think it’s best for me to go to boarding school, it’s fine.
There’s no other way.
Daddy...
...can we stop by the church?
I want to go to confession.
- Hail, Purest Mary. - Conceived without sin.
Tell me, child.
I don’t know where to start, Father.
Tell me that which troubles you the most, child.
All right...
I stole thousands of dollars from my parents.
Thousands, child?
Two hundred seventeen thousand.
They kept them in the closet.
It’s from all the Red Cross charity dinners.
I think love for stealing money runs in the family.
Do you believe
that it’s no crime to steal from a thief?
Are you telling the truth, child?
That money cannot be in the hands of sinners.
If you want God’s forgiveness, you must give it to the poor.
To whom, Father?
Bring it to the church and we’ll share it out.
Sure, motherfucker!
I’ll make you rich right away.
- Can I have a five minutes, please? - Sure, Father.
I said I’d tell you the truth.
But like you’d say:
"Who am I to know who I am?"